I got a bunch of pop up banners trying to sell me stuff. One was for a weapon that fires arrows, another for the front of a ship, still another for the stick needed to play a violin, and the last type for a tied ribbon to put on Christmas presents.
It was an ad homonym attack.
Patty Boots: Steak Me Home Tonight, eat your heart out.
Vince Mancini: I prefer Grill 'Em All.
Burnsy: My food van name is The Purple Rose of Gyro.
(For the complete list, click here.)
BK: SUPERSTITIOUS DILEMMA: It's Ash Wednesday, I'm eating leftover King Cake, and the baby charm just fell in to my lap. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? SIX MORE WEEKS OF CAKE?!
Jacktion!: I had King Cake on MLK Day.
Not really, but I had a dream that I did.
According to her song about nasty boys, Janet Jackson's real name (provided you're adequately nasty) is "Ms. Jackson Privacy Control." That sounds more like a bra for fat chicks.
BK: I drive a pickup because I'm a fucking American
Stinky Peet: I alternate between a Saturn and a pick-up
Donk: You're the worst Transformer ever
Burnsy: PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE MOTHER FUCKING MAN BEHIND THE MOTHER FUCKING CURTAIN!
Pauly: DO THEY SPEAK ENGLISH IN OZ?
Burnsy: BITCH, YOU'VE HAD THE POWER TO GO HOME ALL ALONG! CLICK YOUR MOTHERFUCKING HEELS!
Pauly: IS THERE A SIGN ON MY LAWN THAT SAYS "DEAD NIGGER STORAGE"?!? NO, IT SAYS "BELL OUT OF ORDER, PLEASE KNOCK"!
Burnsy: DOES THE MUNCHKIN MAYOR LOOK LIKE A BITCH?
Pauly: I WANT YOU TO GO IN THAT BAG, AND FIND MY WALLET! IT'S THE ONE THAT SAYS "WIZARD OF OZ"!!!
Burnsy: HEY, A FLYING MONKEY MAY TASTE LIKE PUMPKIN PIE, BUT I'D NEVER KNOW BECAUSE I WON'T EAT THE FILTHY MOTHERFUCKER!
Pauly: CHECK OUT THE BIG BRAIN ON THE SCARECROW! YOU'RE A SMART MOTHERFUCKER!
Burnsy: EATIN' A WITCH OUT, AND GIVIN' A WITCH A FOOT MASSAGE AIN'T EVEN THE SAME FUCKIN' THING!
Destiny: DOROTHY, I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU WAS GONNA BE COOL. NOW WHEN YOU YELL AT ME I GET NERVOUS... AND WHEN MOTHERFUCKERS GET SCARED THAT'S WHEN MOTHERFUCKERS GET SHOT!
Pauly: SHIT TINMAN! THAT'S ALL YOU HAD TO SAY!
Destiny: I'M SORRY, LION, DID I BREAK YOUR CONCENTRATION? I DIDN'T MEAN TO DO THAT. PLEASE CONTINUE WHAT YOU WERE SAYING, SOMETHING ABOUT COURAGE? WHAT'S THE MATTER? OH, YOU WERE FINISHED! WELL ALLOW ME TO RETORT... WHAT DOES THE MEDAL OF COURAGE LOOK LIKE?!
Pauly: IN FACT, WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOIN' IN THE BACK? YOU'RE THE MOTHERFUCKER WHO SHOULD BE ON BRAIN DETAIL!
Update: This print now available for purchase. I bought one. It's pretty awesome.
Every list made by the new child owner of Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory is a Bucket list.
Headline: Iceland's [Female] Prime Minister Marries Female Partner
KM: You think it's crazy having a black president? I'd love to see what would happen in the US.
BK: Well, we already went back in time as far as the Tea Party, so I guess... Pilgrim Party? "You can't dance! You can't dance! Everybody buckle your hats!" ...that's no good, it doesn't even rhyme.
Donkey Hodey: Our in-laws & us have the same playpens except ours has little elephant heads hanging on a mobile above them while theirs has monkeys. Since monkeys are cooler than elephants, I wanted theirs, so last week at dinner, I switched them while nobody was looking. I was waiting all week for a phone call asking where their monkeys were, but it never came. Instead, we came home from dinner that Friday and they had been switched back. My in-laws broke into my damn house to steal back the monkeys. They watch me like a hawk whenever I'm over there now. I'm waiting for them to let down their guard.
BK: You gotta have more black friends with babies your daughter's age. It would be awesome as shit to switch babies one day when they're babysitting, and then be all "What do you mean, this isn't her? She's wearing the same onesie!"
Jesse got a coupon for Father's Day for "An hour of dirty sex". Unfortunately on the back there wasn't a list of all of the other locations where I could redeem it. Any broads on here accept those?
Jacktion! Your kid gives the strangest presents.